The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
