im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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