Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
