I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize