You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
