Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
