4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
