These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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