im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
