Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize