your thong is hanging out like whoa
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
