Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
