i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
