she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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