oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
