saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize