ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
