Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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