i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
