i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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