I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
