If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
