She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
