i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
