Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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