Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
