i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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