I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
