i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
