Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
how does that bad decision feel?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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