Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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