I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
