Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
