Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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