just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
