When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Couch. On fire.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
