dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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