just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
