Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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