You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Drunk is not a location!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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