Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
