Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
