There was a lot of him and a little penis
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
