I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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