is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
