apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Randomize
