I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
