I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
