I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
