I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
