barbara walters just said penis...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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