what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Randomize
