mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
