i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
