The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize