the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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