the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
