And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
