So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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