we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
