it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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