You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
