there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
