He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
