If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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