my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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