I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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