Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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