I wannas sexs uuuuu
are you so shy because you have an std?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just had sex on a roof
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
