I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
high people should be assigned attendants
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize