Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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