We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
