I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
