should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
