well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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