i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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