and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
