Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Randomize
