dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
