I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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